Chuck Norris Jokes > Chuck Joke 100

Chuck Norris Joke #100

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Funny :) Not Funny :(

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Robert Flores

2012-08-25 08:45:07

Chuck Norris never wears a bullet proof vest, he wears his chest! Fear him now!

me

2011-11-11 17:08:35

4 sum reason this joke reminds me of all slutty singers

bobby

2011-11-10 07:57:40

meow

Lex

2011-05-18 07:41:15

Chuck Norris his tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

nate

2010-11-10 22:31:09

"One night this man was making love to his wife , then all of the sudden she screamed out "Omg yes chuck!" , the husband said its all right dear... i was thinking of him also."

Brandon

2010-09-17 20:06:49

Chuck norris been on mars, thats why the're no signs of life there.

Bret

2010-09-10 20:43:31

Chuck Norris' mom once walked in on him masturbating. He stared her right in the eye and finished.

henry

2010-07-18 11:03:08

chuck norris smoked 10 packs of butts everyday for 365 days a yr for 10 yrs, he later found out he had cancer all through his body an then flexed for 30 seconds an cured it all

matt

2009-12-29 12:18:43

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris

Zoolander

2009-11-20 17:54:03

God didn't really rest on the seventh day, He dedicated it to make Chuck Norris.

Zoolander

2009-11-20 17:53:08

In the beggining God said "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said "Say Please."

Zoolander

2009-11-20 17:52:01

Chuck Norris is the reason that the lion in the Wizard of Oz lost his courage.

Mark

2009-03-04 14:30:26

Some of the comments are funnier than the jokes.... lol

Lovenox

2008-11-07 12:16:25

The only thing that Chuck Norris can't do is surf. Thats because everytime he gets into the water it parts in half. ZHe has since taken up sky diving with a handkerchief.

Lovenox

2008-11-07 11:58:01

After his third motorcycle crash the Department of Transportation pleaded with Chuck Norris to wear a helmet. The cost of repairing the roads from the "head imprints" that created massive potholes was killing their budget.

Lovenox

2008-11-07 11:50:43

Cupid once shot an arrow at Chuck Norris. Thats why you only see him on Hallmark cards.

Lovenox

2008-11-07 11:45:47

Chuck Norris' penis has a Top Secret security clearance and is allowed in certain parts of the Pentagon for briefings that Chuck is not. Chuck isn't jealous..he understands the power of his penis.

Lovenox

2008-11-07 11:39:47

If Chuck Norris sat down with King Arthur he would be at the "head of the table."

Alan

2008-11-07 11:31:55

Chuck Norris has a life-time contract with the Bureau of Prisons. He sells his pubic hairs to them wholesale so they dont have to buy the much more expensive and inferior "barbed-wire". The escape rate has plummetted down to 0% after one prisioner nicked his arm and bled to death.

hahaha

2008-11-06 11:54:29

chuck norris destroyed the periodic table of elements because the only element chuck norris realizes is the element of suprise

Andrew

2008-03-08 15:24:07


Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

Before science was invented it was once believed that winter occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

If your not handicapped you never met Chuck Norris

Johney Bobbin

2007-11-14 15:08:36

this is the first funny joke ive found on this site

asdada

2007-10-25 11:26:34

paul, that mt everest joke was killer lmfao

PAUL

2007-05-04 08:53:36

Chuck Norris has killed countless people with his bare hands. Cause of death...electrocution.

Paul

2007-05-04 08:49:54

Crop circles were made from Chuck Norris' series of roundhouse kicks.

Chuck Norris took a dump and created whats commonly known as Mt. Everest.

A homeless man, Tim Parkinson, trembled uncontrollably at the site of Chuck Norris. This coined the term "parkinson's disease"

Do you know the greatest golfer of all time, Gary Johnson??? Thats right. He once beat Chuck Norris, then Chuck Norris went back in time and roundhouse kicked him into non-existance.

dardub

2007-03-19 00:30:08

There's only two hole cards in texas hold'em. Plus it wasn't funny.